too bad you live with your parents still
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
