well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize