1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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