Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
