Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
