you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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