So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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