yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
