I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
