Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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