I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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