Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
