no, he came in my armpit
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
