I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
