im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
