I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
