every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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