you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize