He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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