dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
