im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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