I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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