We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
