I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
