kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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