Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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