Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
