Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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