M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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