god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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