remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
