The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
