...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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