is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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