I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
