On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
