i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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