You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
