If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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