dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
