remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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