I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
