upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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