when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
