I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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