I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
