I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
