I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
