Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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