So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize