I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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