Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
