we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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