i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
