How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
