things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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