did you get engaged???
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
