I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
