Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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