Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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