4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
